He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize