do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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