I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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