There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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