i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
