you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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