So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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