So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
