Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
