It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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