Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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