You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize