I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
