I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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