i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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