I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
