y did u give ur computer a hand job?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
