I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
