My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
