When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
