i think my mom watched the whole time
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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