He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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