Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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