How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
