I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
