either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize