He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
