Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
