Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she told me i tasted like america
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
