i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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