Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
