And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
time to smoke my breakfast
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize