theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
