he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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