Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
