Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
