she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
