I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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