Moan for me like Helen Keller
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
