tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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