i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize