i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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