I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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