It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
