I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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