just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
