remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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