apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I need moral support for this bender
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
