Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
