I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
