Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
