Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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