There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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