apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
