I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
