and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
