There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
