I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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