I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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