Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
