its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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