Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
